I guess the title of this post doesn't really explain how I feel but let me elaborate....there are 3 feelings on my mind today:
1. I am exhausted. I've not been sleeping great at night this week and Posey has been waking up early. She only naps for 2 hours at the most at lunchtime and by the time I've settled down for some rest she's up! I can't get comfy at night so today I will buy a Dream Genii pillow. I had one last time I was pregnant and it really helped me to get comfy and sleep :). I also feel pretty nauseous and just 'not with it.' I can't wait for the weekend when Buzz will be here and I can get some more downtime.
2. Despite feeling like 1. I am elated. I still feel like the luckiest girl alive. No amount of sickness, tiredness or grumpiness will stop me feeling like this.
3. I'm scared. Really scared. What of? Well I'm scared of not actually being pregnant. What if my BETA test results were wrong and there was too much HCG left in my system after my pre egg collection trigger shot? I'm 99.9% sure I'm being silly even thinking this but I can't help it. I think until I see my scan on 18 June I'm going to have this at the back of my mind. I feel more so like this today because one of my fellow IVF tweeters had 2 positive HPTs yesterday and the day before (her official test date was yesterday) and then has had a BFN today. I really feel for her. Her clinic won't do a BETA for her either. What a horrid situation after such a long journey. My heart goes out to her.
To help try and put my mind at ease this afternoon I've decided to buy some HPTs of my own. I did it when I was in the very early days of pregnancy with posey too and did a test every few days. I think it helped my mind running away with itself.
x
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