I can honestly say I am the happiest girl in the world.
Yes, I have struggled over the years to conceive. Yes, I have been through the pain of hearing many, many friends and colleagues announce their happy news. Yes, I have also held the tears back on many occasions when I've had infertility tests and scans. At times I felt I had no dignity. I knew I'd be a good mum, Buzz would be a good dad and that we could provide everything for a big family. There were many times though when I just thought it was never going to be for us and that we should just up sticks and move to Dubai.
After 3.5 years of TTC in January 2011 I fell pregnant with Posey on my first IVF cycle. I was stunned. Nothing will ever match the pure elation I felt.
Yesterday I found out I was pregnant having conceived via IVF with ICSI this month. Our first try at conceiving since Posey was born (obv we've tried the natural way since she was about 3 months old too!)
When you've been through coping with infertility and the horrible pressure and emotions that come with it you really don't take a second for granted. I feel incredibly fortunate to be experiencing my second miracle. During my 2ww I struggled to see how on earth, with the success odds, I could be so fortunate again.
On my twitter feeds and other blogs that I read I realise I have got off quite lightly in comparison to some girls. Many go through years and years of repeated IVF cycles, egg donation, sperm donation....the list is endless. As is the cost. I know a couple who remortgaged their house to fund their wish to start a family. My heart goes out to them. There still appears to be an imbalance of how many assisted-conception cycles you can receive depending on your postcode. Very harsh. Buzz and I had 3. We only needed 1 thankfully, but if we could have given away the other 2 to a opulent who needed it we absolutely would have done.
Of course it's very early days for my current pregnancy and I will be looking after myself 100% over the coming months. My next dream is to see a little heartbeat flickering away on my 18 June scan and for Posey to keep pointing at the baby in my tummy :)
x
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