I guess I felt compelled to write this blog post because tomorrow is my big test day. The day I find out if this IVF cycle has worked. There are 2 outcomes:
1. I am pregnant.
2. I am not pregnant.
I won't let myself believe that I'm pregnant as I know how disappointed I'll be if I'm not. Buzz and I will be ecstatic if I am pregnant and it will be lovely to give Posey a little brother or sister when she's about 2 and a half. I guess I also feel that it seems impossible that I'd be so lucky on both of my IVF cycles to fall pregnant given even the odds of a +ve test after blastocyst transfer are only around 50%.
My biggest fear today is that tomorrow my test will be negative. Today i am thinking about how on earth I would handle that outcome. It's not something I've had to cope with before fortunately. It has to be one of the toughest things you can go through.
Things that would make a -ve much easier to cope with:
I have Buzz, my loving husband.
I have Posey, who I love more and more every day, to the moon and back. She is my world.
I have a small army of loving pets at home who always want cuddles.
I have 2 successful businesses that I can pretty much dip in and out of as much as I want / need to. I've worked hard on them both.
I have plans to start my third business. My business pan is written. The thing holding me back just now is tomorrow's result! I feel like I need to wait for that first. This business plan really is something I can get my teeth right into.
I have some amazing friends who I know will be there for me. That counts for a lot.
I have some lovely twitter followers who I know are going through very similar emotions. I find that comforting and I really appreciate the support.
So, less than 24 hours until the big test! Fingers, toes, arms, legs and eyes crossed please peeps. Let's hope for a +ve. Positive thoughts, mental preparation for tomorrow and Buzz and me sticking together.
x
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