I guess the title of this post doesn't really explain how I feel but let me elaborate....there are 3 feelings on my mind today:
1. I am exhausted. I've not been sleeping great at night this week and Posey has been waking up early. She only naps for 2 hours at the most at lunchtime and by the time I've settled down for some rest she's up! I can't get comfy at night so today I will buy a Dream Genii pillow. I had one last time I was pregnant and it really helped me to get comfy and sleep :). I also feel pretty nauseous and just 'not with it.' I can't wait for the weekend when Buzz will be here and I can get some more downtime.
2. Despite feeling like 1. I am elated. I still feel like the luckiest girl alive. No amount of sickness, tiredness or grumpiness will stop me feeling like this.
3. I'm scared. Really scared. What of? Well I'm scared of not actually being pregnant. What if my BETA test results were wrong and there was too much HCG left in my system after my pre egg collection trigger shot? I'm 99.9% sure I'm being silly even thinking this but I can't help it. I think until I see my scan on 18 June I'm going to have this at the back of my mind. I feel more so like this today because one of my fellow IVF tweeters had 2 positive HPTs yesterday and the day before (her official test date was yesterday) and then has had a BFN today. I really feel for her. Her clinic won't do a BETA for her either. What a horrid situation after such a long journey. My heart goes out to her.
To help try and put my mind at ease this afternoon I've decided to buy some HPTs of my own. I did it when I was in the very early days of pregnancy with posey too and did a test every few days. I think it helped my mind running away with itself.
x
Thursday 30 May 2013
Wednesday 29 May 2013
4 weeks and 2 days pregnant. Oh, and delighted!
I can honestly say I am the happiest girl in the world.
Yes, I have struggled over the years to conceive. Yes, I have been through the pain of hearing many, many friends and colleagues announce their happy news. Yes, I have also held the tears back on many occasions when I've had infertility tests and scans. At times I felt I had no dignity. I knew I'd be a good mum, Buzz would be a good dad and that we could provide everything for a big family. There were many times though when I just thought it was never going to be for us and that we should just up sticks and move to Dubai.
After 3.5 years of TTC in January 2011 I fell pregnant with Posey on my first IVF cycle. I was stunned. Nothing will ever match the pure elation I felt.
Yesterday I found out I was pregnant having conceived via IVF with ICSI this month. Our first try at conceiving since Posey was born (obv we've tried the natural way since she was about 3 months old too!)
When you've been through coping with infertility and the horrible pressure and emotions that come with it you really don't take a second for granted. I feel incredibly fortunate to be experiencing my second miracle. During my 2ww I struggled to see how on earth, with the success odds, I could be so fortunate again.
On my twitter feeds and other blogs that I read I realise I have got off quite lightly in comparison to some girls. Many go through years and years of repeated IVF cycles, egg donation, sperm donation....the list is endless. As is the cost. I know a couple who remortgaged their house to fund their wish to start a family. My heart goes out to them. There still appears to be an imbalance of how many assisted-conception cycles you can receive depending on your postcode. Very harsh. Buzz and I had 3. We only needed 1 thankfully, but if we could have given away the other 2 to a opulent who needed it we absolutely would have done.
Of course it's very early days for my current pregnancy and I will be looking after myself 100% over the coming months. My next dream is to see a little heartbeat flickering away on my 18 June scan and for Posey to keep pointing at the baby in my tummy :)
x
Yes, I have struggled over the years to conceive. Yes, I have been through the pain of hearing many, many friends and colleagues announce their happy news. Yes, I have also held the tears back on many occasions when I've had infertility tests and scans. At times I felt I had no dignity. I knew I'd be a good mum, Buzz would be a good dad and that we could provide everything for a big family. There were many times though when I just thought it was never going to be for us and that we should just up sticks and move to Dubai.
After 3.5 years of TTC in January 2011 I fell pregnant with Posey on my first IVF cycle. I was stunned. Nothing will ever match the pure elation I felt.
Yesterday I found out I was pregnant having conceived via IVF with ICSI this month. Our first try at conceiving since Posey was born (obv we've tried the natural way since she was about 3 months old too!)
When you've been through coping with infertility and the horrible pressure and emotions that come with it you really don't take a second for granted. I feel incredibly fortunate to be experiencing my second miracle. During my 2ww I struggled to see how on earth, with the success odds, I could be so fortunate again.
On my twitter feeds and other blogs that I read I realise I have got off quite lightly in comparison to some girls. Many go through years and years of repeated IVF cycles, egg donation, sperm donation....the list is endless. As is the cost. I know a couple who remortgaged their house to fund their wish to start a family. My heart goes out to them. There still appears to be an imbalance of how many assisted-conception cycles you can receive depending on your postcode. Very harsh. Buzz and I had 3. We only needed 1 thankfully, but if we could have given away the other 2 to a opulent who needed it we absolutely would have done.
Of course it's very early days for my current pregnancy and I will be looking after myself 100% over the coming months. My next dream is to see a little heartbeat flickering away on my 18 June scan and for Posey to keep pointing at the baby in my tummy :)
x
Tuesday 28 May 2013
My BFP!!!
Wow, Buzz and I are stunned. We feel like the most fortunate couple in the world. The results of my pregnancy blood test came back within an hour this morning and showed that I am indeed PREGNANT!!!!
Buzz and I just looked at each other and both filled up. The relief and happiness we felt was just amazing. We feel so fortunate to have conceived on our first cycle with Posey and also to have conceived on this cycle.
The level of HCG in my blood test was 317. The nurse explained they look for anything above 50 as a positive result. She said 317 was very strong. That was such a nice thing to hear.
Have I cried with happiness yet? A little bit yes but I'm sure it will all come out once I'm chilled at home. I can't believe I'm 4 weeks pregnant!
What's next?
I'm booked in to have a viability scan at the clinic on day 35, which is 35 days after egg collection. It will happen on June 18th. We had a viability scan with Posey too. They do the scan at 35 days as by that point they can detect a heartbeat and also check to make sure the pregnancy isn't ectopic. With Posey, the 35 day scan was the point at which we felt like it was really happening. We saw a little coffee bean on the screen. It was an amazing moment and I cried with happiness. Roll on 18 June. I want that feeling again.
Tonight I will feel like the luckiest girl alive. I thought 1 miracle would be my lot but now I have another on the way. It's such early days and feels very frightening but I will look after myself well and take each day as it comes.
Thanks to everyone who has sent me messages of support,
x
Buzz and I just looked at each other and both filled up. The relief and happiness we felt was just amazing. We feel so fortunate to have conceived on our first cycle with Posey and also to have conceived on this cycle.
The level of HCG in my blood test was 317. The nurse explained they look for anything above 50 as a positive result. She said 317 was very strong. That was such a nice thing to hear.
Have I cried with happiness yet? A little bit yes but I'm sure it will all come out once I'm chilled at home. I can't believe I'm 4 weeks pregnant!
What's next?
I'm booked in to have a viability scan at the clinic on day 35, which is 35 days after egg collection. It will happen on June 18th. We had a viability scan with Posey too. They do the scan at 35 days as by that point they can detect a heartbeat and also check to make sure the pregnancy isn't ectopic. With Posey, the 35 day scan was the point at which we felt like it was really happening. We saw a little coffee bean on the screen. It was an amazing moment and I cried with happiness. Roll on 18 June. I want that feeling again.
Tonight I will feel like the luckiest girl alive. I thought 1 miracle would be my lot but now I have another on the way. It's such early days and feels very frightening but I will look after myself well and take each day as it comes.
Thanks to everyone who has sent me messages of support,
x
The day of my pregnancy blood test!
I have longed for today ever since Buzz and I started this IVF cycle. In fact, ever since we had our consultation at the end of March, so a good couple of months. It is now 15 days after my egg collection and 10 days after my day 5 blastocyst transfer of 1 embryo.
Do I feel pregnant today? No, not really.
Do I not feel pregnant today? No, not really.
What I do know is I only slept for about 5 hours last night and today I just feel 'strange'. My breathing is tight, like I'm about to hyperventilate or something. I have a sicky feeling in my tummy. I woke up at 6am starving again although I could hardly eat any of my cereal. I just didn't feel like it. Posey didn't eat her breakfast either. It was like she could sense I had something major on my mind! My tummy is churning and I'm not really 'with it' today. The tummy cramps I was getting yesterday afternoon have gone thankfully but I feel like my body is just uncomfortable. I've felt like that for the last few nights in bed. Not like me at all as I normally sleep like a log as soon as my head hits the pillow!
So Buzz and I have just taken her to nursery for the day. Buzz is off work all day and will be coming to the clinic with me shortly for my pregnancy blood test. The blood test detects the level of HCG in your blood by a quantitative method. Regular home pregnancy tests detect the HCG qualitatively, meaning it is possible to get a false BFP or BFN. I don't want a false result! I'm very proud of having waited until my blood test today. It has driven me mad at times but deep down I just want to know the right result, and thankfully today has finally arrived.
Buzz and I are off to do the 45 minute drive to the clinic shortly. Let's hope for a BFP!
x
x
Do I feel pregnant today? No, not really.
Do I not feel pregnant today? No, not really.
What I do know is I only slept for about 5 hours last night and today I just feel 'strange'. My breathing is tight, like I'm about to hyperventilate or something. I have a sicky feeling in my tummy. I woke up at 6am starving again although I could hardly eat any of my cereal. I just didn't feel like it. Posey didn't eat her breakfast either. It was like she could sense I had something major on my mind! My tummy is churning and I'm not really 'with it' today. The tummy cramps I was getting yesterday afternoon have gone thankfully but I feel like my body is just uncomfortable. I've felt like that for the last few nights in bed. Not like me at all as I normally sleep like a log as soon as my head hits the pillow!
So Buzz and I have just taken her to nursery for the day. Buzz is off work all day and will be coming to the clinic with me shortly for my pregnancy blood test. The blood test detects the level of HCG in your blood by a quantitative method. Regular home pregnancy tests detect the HCG qualitatively, meaning it is possible to get a false BFP or BFN. I don't want a false result! I'm very proud of having waited until my blood test today. It has driven me mad at times but deep down I just want to know the right result, and thankfully today has finally arrived.
Buzz and I are off to do the 45 minute drive to the clinic shortly. Let's hope for a BFP!
x
x
Monday 27 May 2013
What if it's a negative and I'm not pregnant?
I guess I felt compelled to write this blog post because tomorrow is my big test day. The day I find out if this IVF cycle has worked. There are 2 outcomes:
1. I am pregnant.
2. I am not pregnant.
I won't let myself believe that I'm pregnant as I know how disappointed I'll be if I'm not. Buzz and I will be ecstatic if I am pregnant and it will be lovely to give Posey a little brother or sister when she's about 2 and a half. I guess I also feel that it seems impossible that I'd be so lucky on both of my IVF cycles to fall pregnant given even the odds of a +ve test after blastocyst transfer are only around 50%.
My biggest fear today is that tomorrow my test will be negative. Today i am thinking about how on earth I would handle that outcome. It's not something I've had to cope with before fortunately. It has to be one of the toughest things you can go through.
Things that would make a -ve much easier to cope with:
I have Buzz, my loving husband.
I have Posey, who I love more and more every day, to the moon and back. She is my world.
I have a small army of loving pets at home who always want cuddles.
I have 2 successful businesses that I can pretty much dip in and out of as much as I want / need to. I've worked hard on them both.
I have plans to start my third business. My business pan is written. The thing holding me back just now is tomorrow's result! I feel like I need to wait for that first. This business plan really is something I can get my teeth right into.
I have some amazing friends who I know will be there for me. That counts for a lot.
I have some lovely twitter followers who I know are going through very similar emotions. I find that comforting and I really appreciate the support.
So, less than 24 hours until the big test! Fingers, toes, arms, legs and eyes crossed please peeps. Let's hope for a +ve. Positive thoughts, mental preparation for tomorrow and Buzz and me sticking together.
x
1. I am pregnant.
2. I am not pregnant.
I won't let myself believe that I'm pregnant as I know how disappointed I'll be if I'm not. Buzz and I will be ecstatic if I am pregnant and it will be lovely to give Posey a little brother or sister when she's about 2 and a half. I guess I also feel that it seems impossible that I'd be so lucky on both of my IVF cycles to fall pregnant given even the odds of a +ve test after blastocyst transfer are only around 50%.
My biggest fear today is that tomorrow my test will be negative. Today i am thinking about how on earth I would handle that outcome. It's not something I've had to cope with before fortunately. It has to be one of the toughest things you can go through.
Things that would make a -ve much easier to cope with:
I have Buzz, my loving husband.
I have Posey, who I love more and more every day, to the moon and back. She is my world.
I have a small army of loving pets at home who always want cuddles.
I have 2 successful businesses that I can pretty much dip in and out of as much as I want / need to. I've worked hard on them both.
I have plans to start my third business. My business pan is written. The thing holding me back just now is tomorrow's result! I feel like I need to wait for that first. This business plan really is something I can get my teeth right into.
I have some amazing friends who I know will be there for me. That counts for a lot.
I have some lovely twitter followers who I know are going through very similar emotions. I find that comforting and I really appreciate the support.
So, less than 24 hours until the big test! Fingers, toes, arms, legs and eyes crossed please peeps. Let's hope for a +ve. Positive thoughts, mental preparation for tomorrow and Buzz and me sticking together.
x
The day before test day
Ok, so I'm calling this post "the day before test day" but the truth is it is 4.18am and I am sitting in my kitchen, at the breakfast bar eating marmite crumpets and drinking a big glass of cold milk.
I woke up dying for a wee (tmi..) and starving / really thirsty at 4.05am and tossed & turned for 5 mins before realising I just needed to get up. Buzz, Posey and even the cats are snoring their heads off!
So why on earth am I awake? We have been really fortunate with Posey as she's slot from 7pm-7am each night since she was 3 months old. What an angel! (Just never get me started on her fussy eating habits....grrrrr...)
Last night we ate dinner at about 7.30pm. We had jacket potato with lots of green salad and then (Waitrose!) syrup sponge with custard - yum yum yum - custard is amazeballs! So I had plenty to eat before bed at 9.30 (I was shattered...)
Of course my mind is running away with itself. While I was pregnant with Posey I indulged in midnight feasts most nights. Jam on toast was a favourite, always with a glass of milk. You can imagine what I'm thinking now....the last 2 mornings I have woken up starving & literally have had to neck a bowl of cereal as soon as I've woken up. Then i've felt nauseous all morning. Right now I'm scoffing crumpets. Could I really be pregnant? I just don't want to think it. If I think i might be i feel like i'm tempting fate. I met hang on for my test at the clinic. I must I must I must.
Thankfully there are no HPTs in the house. If there were I think there would be a good chance I'd crack and use one. The fear of a false BFP or BFN scares me though. I've heard of too many occasions when it's happened so let's not go there.....
The cats are now looking at me like I've intruded on their quiet time! I think they might be after my glass of milk. Who can blame them? It's lush! But unfortunately for them it is nearly all drunk!
I have a nice day planned for today. Posey and I will swing round Waitrose in the morning and pop round the corner to see the bunny we're bunny sitting this weekend. Buzz and I will take her out on her trike to the swings. I'm seeing one of my best friends in the afternoon. She lives up in the midlands now so it's always great to see her. I'm also having (decaf) coffee with my best mum friend late afternoon in an attempt to divert my mind before Tuesday. I also caught up with her the day before my egg collection. She's amazing, 34 weeks pregnant herself with a 20mth old but particularly over the last few months has been there whenever I've needed her. Such a great friend :)
Over and out for now. I should probably try and get more sleep before I hear "hiya hiya mummyyyy diddyyyyyy" coming from the bedroom next door to ours at around 7am!
x
I woke up dying for a wee (tmi..) and starving / really thirsty at 4.05am and tossed & turned for 5 mins before realising I just needed to get up. Buzz, Posey and even the cats are snoring their heads off!
So why on earth am I awake? We have been really fortunate with Posey as she's slot from 7pm-7am each night since she was 3 months old. What an angel! (Just never get me started on her fussy eating habits....grrrrr...)
Last night we ate dinner at about 7.30pm. We had jacket potato with lots of green salad and then (Waitrose!) syrup sponge with custard - yum yum yum - custard is amazeballs! So I had plenty to eat before bed at 9.30 (I was shattered...)
Of course my mind is running away with itself. While I was pregnant with Posey I indulged in midnight feasts most nights. Jam on toast was a favourite, always with a glass of milk. You can imagine what I'm thinking now....the last 2 mornings I have woken up starving & literally have had to neck a bowl of cereal as soon as I've woken up. Then i've felt nauseous all morning. Right now I'm scoffing crumpets. Could I really be pregnant? I just don't want to think it. If I think i might be i feel like i'm tempting fate. I met hang on for my test at the clinic. I must I must I must.
Thankfully there are no HPTs in the house. If there were I think there would be a good chance I'd crack and use one. The fear of a false BFP or BFN scares me though. I've heard of too many occasions when it's happened so let's not go there.....
The cats are now looking at me like I've intruded on their quiet time! I think they might be after my glass of milk. Who can blame them? It's lush! But unfortunately for them it is nearly all drunk!
I have a nice day planned for today. Posey and I will swing round Waitrose in the morning and pop round the corner to see the bunny we're bunny sitting this weekend. Buzz and I will take her out on her trike to the swings. I'm seeing one of my best friends in the afternoon. She lives up in the midlands now so it's always great to see her. I'm also having (decaf) coffee with my best mum friend late afternoon in an attempt to divert my mind before Tuesday. I also caught up with her the day before my egg collection. She's amazing, 34 weeks pregnant herself with a 20mth old but particularly over the last few months has been there whenever I've needed her. Such a great friend :)
Over and out for now. I should probably try and get more sleep before I hear "hiya hiya mummyyyy diddyyyyyy" coming from the bedroom next door to ours at around 7am!
x
Sunday 26 May 2013
2 days left of the 2ww :)
Today is Sunday and my blood test to find out if I am pregnant is booked for Tuesday morning. Thankfully Monday is a bank holiday so I have Buzz around to keep me sane during the remainder of the wait and of course Posey is here to keep me busy....!
The last 2 mornings I have been waking up after 8+ hours of sleep feeling really ropey. I have felt nauseous, super tired and absolutely starving! Anyone would think I'd had no dinner or supper the night before! The nausea has come and gone through the day, not actually coming to anything but it's just not a nice feeling. I feel like I have excess saliva too. Thankfully the tummy cramps I had earlier in my 2ww have subsided and my tummy feels normal again. I say 'normal' although of course I have no idea what's going on in there until I have my test on Tuesday.
I'm really trying to listen to my body. Sleep when I need to, eat when I need to and just sit down and do nothing when I feel like it. Not always easy with a 1 year old but I'm doing ok!
Roll on Tuesday...x
The last 2 mornings I have been waking up after 8+ hours of sleep feeling really ropey. I have felt nauseous, super tired and absolutely starving! Anyone would think I'd had no dinner or supper the night before! The nausea has come and gone through the day, not actually coming to anything but it's just not a nice feeling. I feel like I have excess saliva too. Thankfully the tummy cramps I had earlier in my 2ww have subsided and my tummy feels normal again. I say 'normal' although of course I have no idea what's going on in there until I have my test on Tuesday.
I'm really trying to listen to my body. Sleep when I need to, eat when I need to and just sit down and do nothing when I feel like it. Not always easy with a 1 year old but I'm doing ok!
Roll on Tuesday...x
Friday 24 May 2013
Over-analysing everything during the 2ww!
During the dreaded 2ww I had with Posey I can remember reading into all symptoms I had. Was I pregnant? wasn't I pregnant? Were the tummy pains just wind? What on earth was going on?!?!?!
This time is the same....I have felt pretty ok since my blastocyst transfer. I've felt a little more tired than usual (which could just be that I'm finding it hard to switch off) but last night and today I have felt exhausted and I have been having proper tummy cramps. Maybe it is just wind!
These tummy cramps don't even keep coming in the same place. They're sometimes sharp and are almost like bloating pains. Not nice. I have read all sorts of things online of course and tummy cramps can both be a positive symptom as well as a negative symptom. I can't be sure which is true for me as I have no spotting, bleeding or anything else.
Keep your fingers, toes, eyes, arms and legs crossed for me all is ok. I really hope it is.
x
This time is the same....I have felt pretty ok since my blastocyst transfer. I've felt a little more tired than usual (which could just be that I'm finding it hard to switch off) but last night and today I have felt exhausted and I have been having proper tummy cramps. Maybe it is just wind!
These tummy cramps don't even keep coming in the same place. They're sometimes sharp and are almost like bloating pains. Not nice. I have read all sorts of things online of course and tummy cramps can both be a positive symptom as well as a negative symptom. I can't be sure which is true for me as I have no spotting, bleeding or anything else.
Keep your fingers, toes, eyes, arms and legs crossed for me all is ok. I really hope it is.
x
Thursday 23 May 2013
Over half way through the 2ww
I've often read articles on IVF that mention how the whole 2ww can be the hardest part of IVF treatment for many. For me, that's absolutely right.
In the run up to egg collection and embryo / blastocyst transfer you have around a month of down reg and stims injections, so there's something happening every day. You also have your scans to check how your little follicles are growing. It kind of keeps you going knowing you have an injection to do that night and every one you do is one closer to the end result. On the 2ww you're literally waiting!!
I was quite fortunate this time as I had my egg collection on day 0 then blastocyst transfer on day 5. We are now on day 9. My pregnancy blood test is booked for day 15, so I only really have 10 days to wait between transfer and testing.
Clinics tend to advise you not to test early as the levels of HCG in your blood can give false positives or negatives as you can still have an amount of HCG left in your system from the trigger shot you take before egg collection.
I have no pregnancy tests in my house and I'm determined to get to my blood test on day 15 without testing at home first. I want to be certain of the result. It is driving me a little insane though. I have no idea if my little embie has stuck. I want to know NOW but I know I must wait just a few more days.
x
In the run up to egg collection and embryo / blastocyst transfer you have around a month of down reg and stims injections, so there's something happening every day. You also have your scans to check how your little follicles are growing. It kind of keeps you going knowing you have an injection to do that night and every one you do is one closer to the end result. On the 2ww you're literally waiting!!
I was quite fortunate this time as I had my egg collection on day 0 then blastocyst transfer on day 5. We are now on day 9. My pregnancy blood test is booked for day 15, so I only really have 10 days to wait between transfer and testing.
Clinics tend to advise you not to test early as the levels of HCG in your blood can give false positives or negatives as you can still have an amount of HCG left in your system from the trigger shot you take before egg collection.
I have no pregnancy tests in my house and I'm determined to get to my blood test on day 15 without testing at home first. I want to be certain of the result. It is driving me a little insane though. I have no idea if my little embie has stuck. I want to know NOW but I know I must wait just a few more days.
x
Monday 20 May 2013
The 2 week wait...
The 2 week wait refers to the time between blastocyst / embryo transfer and the date you test to find out if you are pregnant or not.
I found the 2ww really hard when I was trying to conceive Posey. I was at my wit's end and I'd been TTC for 3.5 years. I wasn't sure how I'd get through the wait. I'd had a day 2 transfer and then my test day was day 18. 16 days to wait!!! I cracked and tested 2 days early, and got a BFP. I then tested on my test day and got another BFP. The clinic then told me to test a week later. Thankfully I got another BFP! I felt euphorius! I was incredibly fortunate.
This time I'm 2 days on from my transfer and I'm testing on day 15. Much less time to wait and my test date is 1 week tomorrow. It's a blood test at the clinic rather than a home testing stick. I'm going to find it very very hard not to do a HPT on that morning or the day before. I fear anxiety may get the better of me. We shall see!
x
I found the 2ww really hard when I was trying to conceive Posey. I was at my wit's end and I'd been TTC for 3.5 years. I wasn't sure how I'd get through the wait. I'd had a day 2 transfer and then my test day was day 18. 16 days to wait!!! I cracked and tested 2 days early, and got a BFP. I then tested on my test day and got another BFP. The clinic then told me to test a week later. Thankfully I got another BFP! I felt euphorius! I was incredibly fortunate.
This time I'm 2 days on from my transfer and I'm testing on day 15. Much less time to wait and my test date is 1 week tomorrow. It's a blood test at the clinic rather than a home testing stick. I'm going to find it very very hard not to do a HPT on that morning or the day before. I fear anxiety may get the better of me. We shall see!
x
Saturday 18 May 2013
My day 5 blastocyst transfer
Phew! We've had our transfer today. I can honestly say there was no discomfort and it was all over within 20 minutes.
We had 5 grade A blastocysts, which is an absolutely amazing result and we're feeling really proud of ourselves. The clinic asked us how many we'd like to have transferred. Buzz and I had already talked it through in detail and we decided on just 1. Although i'm 35 (36 ths year!) I only carried Posey to 35 weeks and ten she spent 10 days on neonatal care. With everything in mind, we decided 2 would carry more risks and 1 was the right answer.
For transfer, the consultant inserts a speculum inside you (like a cervical smear) and then the embryo is placed inside you on the end of a long catheter. Buzz and I watched it all on the monitor and at the end there was a little bright white light shining away in my ovary. Our little ray of light.
And now begins the 2 week wait. Although it's actually a 9 day wait! We have a blood test on Tue 28 May to establish whether or not I am pregnant. Not counting today and that day there are only 9 days between now and then! Not long at all. With Posey we had a 16 day wait so this wait will be shorter.
I don't have too much planned for the next 10 days or so. Just plenty of family time and time with Posey. I'll work when I need to but as I have my businesses I'm fortunate that I can pick and choose my hours and how much work I do.
I must continue taking my crinone progesterone supplements (lovely as they are...) as they will help my uterus get used to the idea of pregnancy. Other than that, I can carry on as normal. I'll eat well, get plenty of rest and enjoy Posey time!
One more thing....I am PUPO...pregnant until proven otherwise!!!!!
x
We had 5 grade A blastocysts, which is an absolutely amazing result and we're feeling really proud of ourselves. The clinic asked us how many we'd like to have transferred. Buzz and I had already talked it through in detail and we decided on just 1. Although i'm 35 (36 ths year!) I only carried Posey to 35 weeks and ten she spent 10 days on neonatal care. With everything in mind, we decided 2 would carry more risks and 1 was the right answer.
For transfer, the consultant inserts a speculum inside you (like a cervical smear) and then the embryo is placed inside you on the end of a long catheter. Buzz and I watched it all on the monitor and at the end there was a little bright white light shining away in my ovary. Our little ray of light.
And now begins the 2 week wait. Although it's actually a 9 day wait! We have a blood test on Tue 28 May to establish whether or not I am pregnant. Not counting today and that day there are only 9 days between now and then! Not long at all. With Posey we had a 16 day wait so this wait will be shorter.
I don't have too much planned for the next 10 days or so. Just plenty of family time and time with Posey. I'll work when I need to but as I have my businesses I'm fortunate that I can pick and choose my hours and how much work I do.
I must continue taking my crinone progesterone supplements (lovely as they are...) as they will help my uterus get used to the idea of pregnancy. Other than that, I can carry on as normal. I'll eat well, get plenty of rest and enjoy Posey time!
One more thing....I am PUPO...pregnant until proven otherwise!!!!!
x
Friday 17 May 2013
Trying IVF again with a toddler in tow
I thought I'd write a little bit about what it's like to try IVF again once you already have one child.
The truth is, until Posey was about 16 months I was hellbent on not going through it all again. It's physically, mentally and emotionally tiring. The fact it took 4 years to have Posey, she was then born prematurely and spent time on the neonatal ward and then I shortly developed post natal depression scarred me and I didn't feel able to cope with any more treatment. I felt too weak.
Then one week I started to feel like I could think about doing it again. Posey was coming up to 18 months and she'd become like my little friend. Much less like a little person who just needed things all the time and literally took up my whole life. I loved her as a baby, I really did, but I guess my years spent TTC were full of flash holidays, silly cars, fancy restaurants, compiling the best handbag collection outside Selfridges and spending all of my money on ME! That was my way of getting through the emotional pain of struggling to start a family. Then before I'd even started my mat leave she was here, needing me 24-7 and I found it so hard to adjust. Buzz and I both did. It was blooming tough and although we knew we were incredibly fortunate we really really struggled. We live a long way from our families too so we didn't have a lot of support nearby.
Anyway....when Posey was about 18mths Buzz said to me one day that he'd like to try for another baby. I just cried. I felt ecstatic. So that was my answer. The fact I was overjoyed told me that I wanted it too. We booked a consultation at the IVF clinic without delay. There was a 6 week wait so we had plenty of time to really think things through and be 100% sure it was what we both wanted.
One of my biggest concerns was the potential impact on Posey. But it's been fine! I feel ok, Buzz feels ok and therefore Posey thinks everything is 'normal.' I do worry that if this doesn't work we on't be ourselves and will have to get an amazing amount of strength from somewhere to show Posey that we are 'ok' but we will stick together and do that if we have to.
I have done everything as normal with Posey. I did all my injections at 7pm once she was in bed and I've taken her to all her usual nursery days, dance classes, music classes etc etc. life has been what she is used to. I only had to take her to the clinic once and she loved it! The nurses loved her and she happily played with the toys and books in the waiting room. It was ok!
Posey has made me realise that I'm a great mum. She is such an amazing little person and we can even have little conversations with each other now. She's my little friend, my little partner in crime.
I really hope Buzz and I can give Posey a little brother or sister x
The truth is, until Posey was about 16 months I was hellbent on not going through it all again. It's physically, mentally and emotionally tiring. The fact it took 4 years to have Posey, she was then born prematurely and spent time on the neonatal ward and then I shortly developed post natal depression scarred me and I didn't feel able to cope with any more treatment. I felt too weak.
Then one week I started to feel like I could think about doing it again. Posey was coming up to 18 months and she'd become like my little friend. Much less like a little person who just needed things all the time and literally took up my whole life. I loved her as a baby, I really did, but I guess my years spent TTC were full of flash holidays, silly cars, fancy restaurants, compiling the best handbag collection outside Selfridges and spending all of my money on ME! That was my way of getting through the emotional pain of struggling to start a family. Then before I'd even started my mat leave she was here, needing me 24-7 and I found it so hard to adjust. Buzz and I both did. It was blooming tough and although we knew we were incredibly fortunate we really really struggled. We live a long way from our families too so we didn't have a lot of support nearby.
Anyway....when Posey was about 18mths Buzz said to me one day that he'd like to try for another baby. I just cried. I felt ecstatic. So that was my answer. The fact I was overjoyed told me that I wanted it too. We booked a consultation at the IVF clinic without delay. There was a 6 week wait so we had plenty of time to really think things through and be 100% sure it was what we both wanted.
One of my biggest concerns was the potential impact on Posey. But it's been fine! I feel ok, Buzz feels ok and therefore Posey thinks everything is 'normal.' I do worry that if this doesn't work we on't be ourselves and will have to get an amazing amount of strength from somewhere to show Posey that we are 'ok' but we will stick together and do that if we have to.
I have done everything as normal with Posey. I did all my injections at 7pm once she was in bed and I've taken her to all her usual nursery days, dance classes, music classes etc etc. life has been what she is used to. I only had to take her to the clinic once and she loved it! The nurses loved her and she happily played with the toys and books in the waiting room. It was ok!
Posey has made me realise that I'm a great mum. She is such an amazing little person and we can even have little conversations with each other now. She's my little friend, my little partner in crime.
I really hope Buzz and I can give Posey a little brother or sister x
Thursday 16 May 2013
Day 3 after my egg collection and a big decision to make
So today is day 3 after egg collection. I am very very happy to say that Buzz and I still have 11 viable embryos. I can't quite believe it. It's a football team!
I'm also happy to be having day 5 blastocyst transfer this time. With Posey, as we only had 1 embryo we had day 2 transfer. Things feel quite different this time. We're still a long way off me actually being pregnant and being able to look forward to a new arrival however. Even with day 5 blastocyst transfer the success chances they quote are around the 50% mark. Buzz and I ave to really hope we're in the successful 50%.
I feel ok today. The last couple of days plus my EC day I have had pretty uncomfortable tummy pains and bloating. Not nice. Having said that i've only had 1 Panadol since EC so it's not like I'm in a lot of pain. I'm very used to being busy being mum to Posey and running my businesses and not really just chilling out. I'm normally a bundle of energy but I haven't felt like that this week!
One thing is very much on my mind. How many embryos should we have put back in, all being well on day 5...? My head says 1. My heart says 2. I love being a mum. I'm 35. I don't have forever. But I only carried Posey to 35 weeks so would I be putting the babies' as well as my health at risk by trying to carry 2. Buzz and I have A LOT of thinking to do....what a flattering position to be in but what a conundrum....
x
I'm also happy to be having day 5 blastocyst transfer this time. With Posey, as we only had 1 embryo we had day 2 transfer. Things feel quite different this time. We're still a long way off me actually being pregnant and being able to look forward to a new arrival however. Even with day 5 blastocyst transfer the success chances they quote are around the 50% mark. Buzz and I ave to really hope we're in the successful 50%.
I feel ok today. The last couple of days plus my EC day I have had pretty uncomfortable tummy pains and bloating. Not nice. Having said that i've only had 1 Panadol since EC so it's not like I'm in a lot of pain. I'm very used to being busy being mum to Posey and running my businesses and not really just chilling out. I'm normally a bundle of energy but I haven't felt like that this week!
One thing is very much on my mind. How many embryos should we have put back in, all being well on day 5...? My head says 1. My heart says 2. I love being a mum. I'm 35. I don't have forever. But I only carried Posey to 35 weeks so would I be putting the babies' as well as my health at risk by trying to carry 2. Buzz and I have A LOT of thinking to do....what a flattering position to be in but what a conundrum....
x
Tuesday 14 May 2013
Coco's Baby Journey: About Coco (me!)
Coco's Baby Journey: About Coco (me!): Hi there, I'm Coco and this is my first blog post. I thought I should write a little bit about what I will be blogging about and tell y...
The day after my egg collection
Hip hip hooray! I am feeling good. I have just spoken to my clinic and out of the 16 eggs I had yesterday, 14 were suitable for ICSI and 11 are showing signs of fertilisation!
I am stunned. Last time we had 12 collected and only 1 showed signs of fertilisation the day after, so we had to have day 2 transfer. It makes me feel like the luckiest girl alive to think that that 1 egg is currently terrorising everyone at nursery and eating them out of house and home :)
What a turn around. Buzz and I now need to keep all our fingers and toes crossed that these 11 eggs continue to thrive. We're well aware that the numbers are very likely to fall but we really really hope to get to day 5 blastocyst transfer and for there to be more than 1 embryo by that point.
Love from one very happy mummy x
I am stunned. Last time we had 12 collected and only 1 showed signs of fertilisation the day after, so we had to have day 2 transfer. It makes me feel like the luckiest girl alive to think that that 1 egg is currently terrorising everyone at nursery and eating them out of house and home :)
What a turn around. Buzz and I now need to keep all our fingers and toes crossed that these 11 eggs continue to thrive. We're well aware that the numbers are very likely to fall but we really really hope to get to day 5 blastocyst transfer and for there to be more than 1 embryo by that point.
Love from one very happy mummy x
Monday 13 May 2013
My egg collection
This morning I had my egg collection! I was the first appointment today so everything was running on time. I have felt a little delicate and a bit sick since the collection but other than that I'm ok. I haven't had to take any painkillers.
Here's how things went.....
The nurse gave me pethidine, a suppository and a warm bag to put over my hand prior to going into theatre. Once in theatre the nurses there attached a canular to my hand so that they could administer my antibiotics while my eggs were being collected. My legs were apart & strapped down in stirrups and I had to lay on my back. I was pretty much covered up so I didn't feel too exposed. I met the embryologist before things started too.
My collection started with a wash, like kind of warm water and then the consultant inserted a smear-type speculum into me and wiped around a bit. Next the long tube with the needle on the end was inserted and the fluid was sucked out of my follicles in each ovary. Felt a sharp pain as the needle entered each ovary but that only lasted for about 2 seconds. Apart from little sharp pains that lasted literally a few seconds I was pretty comfortable.
My egg collection lasted about 20 minutes and at the end the consultant said I had 16 eggs! I'm really happy with that. I had 12 collected for my treatment to have Posey and I'm 2.5 years older so it's a good result!
This afternoon the embryologist and her team will be washing and concentrating the 'sample' Buzz did and analysing my eggs ready to choose the best ones to perform ICSI with. Overnight we have to keep our fingers and toes crossed for some fertilisation!
After collection I was taken back to my room and the nurse took my blood pressure, which was fine. I felt a bit dizzy and wobbly, which could just have been because I hadn't eaten more than 12 hours! The nurse said it was normal. She then brought me a nice cheese sandwich and a cup of tea - very welcome!
Buzz and I were then left to chill out and read while I recovered and then an hour later the nurse removed my canular and I got dressed. I was bleeding lightly, which is also very normal.
Next Buzz and I went to the pharmacy department to collect some crinone pessaries. Basically they are progesterone supplements that you squirt into you every evening. They help to prepare your uterus for pregnancy. After using them each evening you have to keep moving for 15-20 minutes so the crinone can spread itself around!
I really missed Posey today. I last saw her awake at 7pm last night and then didn't see her until 4.15 this afternoon as she was still asleep when Buzz and I left the house at 6.40am today. She was having a nap when we got home at lunchtime and I was so shattered I went for a 2 hour nap too so by the time I woke up Buzz had gone out with her & my mum, as my mum had been looking after her today. She'd been as good as gold apparently! Posey gave me a very big hug when they got home :)
I still feel a bit delicate now but hopefully after a nice light omelette for my dinner and an early night I'll be on form tomorrow. I was last time so I'm hoping this time will be the same.
x
Here's how things went.....
The nurse gave me pethidine, a suppository and a warm bag to put over my hand prior to going into theatre. Once in theatre the nurses there attached a canular to my hand so that they could administer my antibiotics while my eggs were being collected. My legs were apart & strapped down in stirrups and I had to lay on my back. I was pretty much covered up so I didn't feel too exposed. I met the embryologist before things started too.
My collection started with a wash, like kind of warm water and then the consultant inserted a smear-type speculum into me and wiped around a bit. Next the long tube with the needle on the end was inserted and the fluid was sucked out of my follicles in each ovary. Felt a sharp pain as the needle entered each ovary but that only lasted for about 2 seconds. Apart from little sharp pains that lasted literally a few seconds I was pretty comfortable.
My egg collection lasted about 20 minutes and at the end the consultant said I had 16 eggs! I'm really happy with that. I had 12 collected for my treatment to have Posey and I'm 2.5 years older so it's a good result!
This afternoon the embryologist and her team will be washing and concentrating the 'sample' Buzz did and analysing my eggs ready to choose the best ones to perform ICSI with. Overnight we have to keep our fingers and toes crossed for some fertilisation!
After collection I was taken back to my room and the nurse took my blood pressure, which was fine. I felt a bit dizzy and wobbly, which could just have been because I hadn't eaten more than 12 hours! The nurse said it was normal. She then brought me a nice cheese sandwich and a cup of tea - very welcome!
Buzz and I were then left to chill out and read while I recovered and then an hour later the nurse removed my canular and I got dressed. I was bleeding lightly, which is also very normal.
Next Buzz and I went to the pharmacy department to collect some crinone pessaries. Basically they are progesterone supplements that you squirt into you every evening. They help to prepare your uterus for pregnancy. After using them each evening you have to keep moving for 15-20 minutes so the crinone can spread itself around!
I really missed Posey today. I last saw her awake at 7pm last night and then didn't see her until 4.15 this afternoon as she was still asleep when Buzz and I left the house at 6.40am today. She was having a nap when we got home at lunchtime and I was so shattered I went for a 2 hour nap too so by the time I woke up Buzz had gone out with her & my mum, as my mum had been looking after her today. She'd been as good as gold apparently! Posey gave me a very big hug when they got home :)
I still feel a bit delicate now but hopefully after a nice light omelette for my dinner and an early night I'll be on form tomorrow. I was last time so I'm hoping this time will be the same.
x
Egg Collection day!
Hurray - today is the day! I'm not sure the word excitement describes how I feel but I certainly feel nervous with anticipation and anxious about them not being able to collect my eggs / how many eggs they'll collect / how those eggs will fertilise....all very normal concerns I'm sure.
We were at the clinic on time ths morning at 7.30am and since then one of the nurses has talked me through what's happening before the procedure. She has also taken my temperature and blood pressure, both of which are ok :)
I know the consultant who will be in charge of my egg collection. He seems like a nice chap so I feel ok that it's him.
I have a few forms to read through about recovery after egg collection and a little tick box sheet for what kind of sandwich I fancy once I'm ready - nice! I think I might play safe & go with cheese on brown bread.
Buzz has also filled in his form before he goes to 'do his bit.' I think he's feeling quite nervous...
The consultant is coming to see me in about half an hour and by then I imagine the nurses will have told me to get into my gown. It's a bit chilly in here just now so I hope it warms up!) and then I'll have a pethidine injection to help relax me and local anaesthetic plus a suppository (yuck!). I coped last time though so i'm sure I'll be ok today. I get painful and uncomfortable things in perspective these days by reminding myself that I've had a baby so I can cope with anything lol!
I'm feeling quite relaxed just now. Buzz and I are sitting in my room reading magazines and blogging! Buzz has just gone to get a cup of tea. God I could murder a cup of tea. Not for me until after egg collection though...
Over & out. Keep your fingers and toes crossed for me ths morning please. Once I'm all done & feel ok I'll write an update.
x
We were at the clinic on time ths morning at 7.30am and since then one of the nurses has talked me through what's happening before the procedure. She has also taken my temperature and blood pressure, both of which are ok :)
I know the consultant who will be in charge of my egg collection. He seems like a nice chap so I feel ok that it's him.
I have a few forms to read through about recovery after egg collection and a little tick box sheet for what kind of sandwich I fancy once I'm ready - nice! I think I might play safe & go with cheese on brown bread.
Buzz has also filled in his form before he goes to 'do his bit.' I think he's feeling quite nervous...
The consultant is coming to see me in about half an hour and by then I imagine the nurses will have told me to get into my gown. It's a bit chilly in here just now so I hope it warms up!) and then I'll have a pethidine injection to help relax me and local anaesthetic plus a suppository (yuck!). I coped last time though so i'm sure I'll be ok today. I get painful and uncomfortable things in perspective these days by reminding myself that I've had a baby so I can cope with anything lol!
I'm feeling quite relaxed just now. Buzz and I are sitting in my room reading magazines and blogging! Buzz has just gone to get a cup of tea. God I could murder a cup of tea. Not for me until after egg collection though...
Over & out. Keep your fingers and toes crossed for me ths morning please. Once I'm all done & feel ok I'll write an update.
x
Sunday 12 May 2013
Coco C is now on twitter!
I'm now publishing my posts on twitter so please follow me for updates on how things are going.
@cococdiary
Email me at cococdiary@gmail.com
x
@cococdiary
Email me at cococdiary@gmail.com
x
My (injection free) day before egg collection
So last night at 10pm I injected my HCG trigger shot, which will get all of my mature eggs ready for collection! Was it painful? Yep, it hurt all right. It was the most painful and longest injection of the lot, but also the nicest as it was the last one. Afterwards, I had a nice bowl of coco shreddies and then off I went to bed.
The bloated feeling is definitely still here today, but then I imagine it'll be here until at least after egg collection tomorrow. This time tomorrow my eggs will have been collected and will (hopefully) be being fertilised. I hope I feel ok after egg collection. I was quite sick last time and Buzz had to stop the car on the way home. I was ok once I got home though and just had a big afternoon nap.
I guess today I feel happy that I have no more injections. But I also feel anxious and nervous. Not about the egg collection procedure itself but about how many eggs we'll get and how many will fertilise and become embryos. I'm scared we'll get no eggs! Then I think if we do get eggs collected none will fertilise! Who knows.. We will see tomorrow and then the next day when we make the call to the clinic to see how any fertilisation has gone overnight.
Fingers and toes crossed please x
The bloated feeling is definitely still here today, but then I imagine it'll be here until at least after egg collection tomorrow. This time tomorrow my eggs will have been collected and will (hopefully) be being fertilised. I hope I feel ok after egg collection. I was quite sick last time and Buzz had to stop the car on the way home. I was ok once I got home though and just had a big afternoon nap.
I guess today I feel happy that I have no more injections. But I also feel anxious and nervous. Not about the egg collection procedure itself but about how many eggs we'll get and how many will fertilise and become embryos. I'm scared we'll get no eggs! Then I think if we do get eggs collected none will fertilise! Who knows.. We will see tomorrow and then the next day when we make the call to the clinic to see how any fertilisation has gone overnight.
Fingers and toes crossed please x
Saturday 11 May 2013
The day I take my IVF trigger injection!
So today is Trigger day! The clinic called me this afternoon to confirm I needed to take my trigger injection tonight for egg collection on Monday!
The instructions I have are to take my current dose of down reg drugs at 6.45pm (normal time) and then take my Ovitrelle (the trigger injection) at 10pm tonight so egg collection can take place at 10am on Monday. The trigger injection gets the mature eggs right to the ideal state before collection. I have set the alarm on my phone for 10pm tonight (not that I think I'll forget come 10pm for a second!)
The clinic gave me some other instructions too. Very similar to last time. The night before EC I can't eat after midnight and I can't even have water after 7am. I need to pack my dressing gown and slippers and wear no make up or jewellery.
Buzz and I need to be there for 7.30am on Monday to be in theatre for 9.30am. Between 7.30 and 9.30am the nurses will get me settled in and talk me through what's going to happen, ensure I understand everything and get me all ready for the big event. I'll also meet the consultant who will be doing my egg collection. Buzz will also have to do his 'sample.'
Having had egg collection before and read up lots about it to refresh my memory in short they insert a catheter style tube inside you & suck the eggs out into little test tubes one by one. The more eggs you have the longer it takes. At my last scan I had 19. On egg collection when we conceived Posey I had 12 collected. I really hope we get a good number on Monday. Once all the eggs have been collected the embryologists then mix the (washed and concentrated) sperm in with the eggs and everyone keeps their fingers and toes crossed for fertilisation of at least 1 egg. We only got 1 last time. It was a good one mind. She is currently sitting in her highchair eating grapes!
This time we are having IVF with ICSI. The was recommended to us as last time only 1 egg out of 12 fertilised. They expect around 70% of your eggs to fertilise so we were well below that. Hence the need for ICSI this time. During ICSI they select 1 god egg and 1 good sperm and inject the sperm straight into the egg. If there are a number of good eggs they will do this with each one.
How do I feel?
Scared, excited, hopeful, and fortunate to have got this far to quote a few words. I also feel very bloated!!!! But then I have round 19 eggs inside me, most measuring 15mm +!! I don't even feel hungry but I will eat as I'm trying to have lots of protein, iron and water.
Right, time for some dinner and then onwards to injection time!
x
The instructions I have are to take my current dose of down reg drugs at 6.45pm (normal time) and then take my Ovitrelle (the trigger injection) at 10pm tonight so egg collection can take place at 10am on Monday. The trigger injection gets the mature eggs right to the ideal state before collection. I have set the alarm on my phone for 10pm tonight (not that I think I'll forget come 10pm for a second!)
The clinic gave me some other instructions too. Very similar to last time. The night before EC I can't eat after midnight and I can't even have water after 7am. I need to pack my dressing gown and slippers and wear no make up or jewellery.
Buzz and I need to be there for 7.30am on Monday to be in theatre for 9.30am. Between 7.30 and 9.30am the nurses will get me settled in and talk me through what's going to happen, ensure I understand everything and get me all ready for the big event. I'll also meet the consultant who will be doing my egg collection. Buzz will also have to do his 'sample.'
Having had egg collection before and read up lots about it to refresh my memory in short they insert a catheter style tube inside you & suck the eggs out into little test tubes one by one. The more eggs you have the longer it takes. At my last scan I had 19. On egg collection when we conceived Posey I had 12 collected. I really hope we get a good number on Monday. Once all the eggs have been collected the embryologists then mix the (washed and concentrated) sperm in with the eggs and everyone keeps their fingers and toes crossed for fertilisation of at least 1 egg. We only got 1 last time. It was a good one mind. She is currently sitting in her highchair eating grapes!
This time we are having IVF with ICSI. The was recommended to us as last time only 1 egg out of 12 fertilised. They expect around 70% of your eggs to fertilise so we were well below that. Hence the need for ICSI this time. During ICSI they select 1 god egg and 1 good sperm and inject the sperm straight into the egg. If there are a number of good eggs they will do this with each one.
How do I feel?
Scared, excited, hopeful, and fortunate to have got this far to quote a few words. I also feel very bloated!!!! But then I have round 19 eggs inside me, most measuring 15mm +!! I don't even feel hungry but I will eat as I'm trying to have lots of protein, iron and water.
Right, time for some dinner and then onwards to injection time!
x
Thursday 9 May 2013
Day 9 of stimming + scan + taking my toddler!
Wowzers! So today was my last trip to the clinic before egg collection!
I had a good visit at the clinic today. I have 19 follicles, 5 of which measure above 15mm so the clinic are happy. I have to carry on with my stims for the next 2 nights and then on Saturday I need to take the trigger injection. The nurses will call me on Saturday afternoon to give me instructions on what time to take the trigger, what time my EC will be on Monday and to take me through all the prep information I need to know.
I took Posey to the clinic with me today and (thankfully..) she was as good as gold! The nurses cooed over her and helped to keep her entertained while I was having my scan, bloods taken and getting more drugs from the pharmacy room. She slept most of the way there and back too :)
It felt very odd having Posey with me at the clinic as I have such vivid memories of my treatment there when I conceived her. I'd be lying if I said I didn't well up once or twice just thinking about how much I longed to have her and that when I was having treatment to conceive her I had no idea if it would EVER happen. Fortunately I am one of the lucky ones and I have my little miracle. There was another lady there today who had a little boy who is 3 months older than Posey. We chatted for a few minutes and she said she felt overwhelmed by having him there as well. I guess it's natural to feel that way. I relly hope that other couples (who are yet to conceive) who saw me there with Posey today felt like IVF CAN work, and that I kind of gave them hope rather than them feel like I was rubbing it in their faces. When I saw other babies / toddlers there during my first treatment I felt like they gave me hope.
So, onwards with 2 more days of stimming and then the trigger on Saturday. Sunday will feel good as there will be no injections to do, but I think the nerves I'll feel about Monday will more than occupy my mind.
x
I had a good visit at the clinic today. I have 19 follicles, 5 of which measure above 15mm so the clinic are happy. I have to carry on with my stims for the next 2 nights and then on Saturday I need to take the trigger injection. The nurses will call me on Saturday afternoon to give me instructions on what time to take the trigger, what time my EC will be on Monday and to take me through all the prep information I need to know.
I took Posey to the clinic with me today and (thankfully..) she was as good as gold! The nurses cooed over her and helped to keep her entertained while I was having my scan, bloods taken and getting more drugs from the pharmacy room. She slept most of the way there and back too :)
It felt very odd having Posey with me at the clinic as I have such vivid memories of my treatment there when I conceived her. I'd be lying if I said I didn't well up once or twice just thinking about how much I longed to have her and that when I was having treatment to conceive her I had no idea if it would EVER happen. Fortunately I am one of the lucky ones and I have my little miracle. There was another lady there today who had a little boy who is 3 months older than Posey. We chatted for a few minutes and she said she felt overwhelmed by having him there as well. I guess it's natural to feel that way. I relly hope that other couples (who are yet to conceive) who saw me there with Posey today felt like IVF CAN work, and that I kind of gave them hope rather than them feel like I was rubbing it in their faces. When I saw other babies / toddlers there during my first treatment I felt like they gave me hope.
So, onwards with 2 more days of stimming and then the trigger on Saturday. Sunday will feel good as there will be no injections to do, but I think the nerves I'll feel about Monday will more than occupy my mind.
x
Tuesday 7 May 2013
Day 7 of stimming + scan
Today I had my first scan since I started on the stims. I felt pretty nervous this morning to be honest. I think it's very easy to feel like nothing is going on inside you and wonder whether all these injections are actually doing anything!
Anyway...I had my scan before my bloods today, which was a relief as I felt like I was about to explode with anticipation. My first sigh of relief was when the nurse said my uterus lining was thickening up nicely. The sighs of relief kept coming as she then counted and measured my follicles - 20 in total, the biggest of which is 18mm!!! No wonder I've been feeling a bit bloated. I'm only short and a size 8 on a heavy day so all these little follicles must be pushing my tummy out to make space for themselves!
At the end of my scan the nurse said things were coming along nicely. It was so good to hear that.
Next up I had my bloods. They went fine and unless I get a call from the clinic this afternoon I'm to stick with my 0.2 suprecur and 150 Gonal f for tonight and tomorrow until I go for my next scan on Thursday morning.
This round of IVF seems to be remarkably similar to my Posey round as my follicles are growing at the same pace. Amazing given I'm 2.5 years older and am 35!
The nurses estimate my egg collection will be on Monday, which will be day 12. Wow, only 5 days away!
When I go for my scan on Thursday I'll have to take Posey with me as she won't be at nursery that day. The nurses reassured me today that it'll be fine and they'll help to keep her occupied while I'm having my scan and bloods. They sad they'd love to meet her seeing as she's 'one of their babies.' It must be nice for them to see babies that they helped to conceive. It must be right up there in terms of job satisfaction!
x
Anyway...I had my scan before my bloods today, which was a relief as I felt like I was about to explode with anticipation. My first sigh of relief was when the nurse said my uterus lining was thickening up nicely. The sighs of relief kept coming as she then counted and measured my follicles - 20 in total, the biggest of which is 18mm!!! No wonder I've been feeling a bit bloated. I'm only short and a size 8 on a heavy day so all these little follicles must be pushing my tummy out to make space for themselves!
At the end of my scan the nurse said things were coming along nicely. It was so good to hear that.
Next up I had my bloods. They went fine and unless I get a call from the clinic this afternoon I'm to stick with my 0.2 suprecur and 150 Gonal f for tonight and tomorrow until I go for my next scan on Thursday morning.
This round of IVF seems to be remarkably similar to my Posey round as my follicles are growing at the same pace. Amazing given I'm 2.5 years older and am 35!
The nurses estimate my egg collection will be on Monday, which will be day 12. Wow, only 5 days away!
When I go for my scan on Thursday I'll have to take Posey with me as she won't be at nursery that day. The nurses reassured me today that it'll be fine and they'll help to keep her occupied while I'm having my scan and bloods. They sad they'd love to meet her seeing as she's 'one of their babies.' It must be nice for them to see babies that they helped to conceive. It must be right up there in terms of job satisfaction!
x
Sunday 5 May 2013
Day 5 of stimming
The tiredness....oh the tiredness! This is by far my biggest side effect of stimming so far. As I type I am also having a hot flush, which isn't nice but they only last about 2 minutes. Tiredness hits me T about 8pm each evening!
I've been going to bed between 9 and 10pm every night (same as usual...!) and getting up between 6 and 7am. I'm definitely getting my 8 hours sleep, often more. Posey is great, she sleeps 7-7 every night plus around 2 hours at lunchtime, so it's not like I'm up and down with her at night! She's a little bag of energy in the day though and looking after her and keeping her entertained can be full on mind. I take her to lots of classes and play groups where she can sing, dance, run around and play as much as she likes. Buzz is great after work and at the weekends too. He and Posey are like little partners in crime and at the moment, if I'm exhausted, I know they're ok and I can just chill. I feel fortunate.
I guess growing lots of litte follicles ready for egg collection is a very responsible job and with that comes an amount pressure, over-thinking and fear of what's coming. It's no wonder it's tiring!!!
x
I've been going to bed between 9 and 10pm every night (same as usual...!) and getting up between 6 and 7am. I'm definitely getting my 8 hours sleep, often more. Posey is great, she sleeps 7-7 every night plus around 2 hours at lunchtime, so it's not like I'm up and down with her at night! She's a little bag of energy in the day though and looking after her and keeping her entertained can be full on mind. I take her to lots of classes and play groups where she can sing, dance, run around and play as much as she likes. Buzz is great after work and at the weekends too. He and Posey are like little partners in crime and at the moment, if I'm exhausted, I know they're ok and I can just chill. I feel fortunate.
I guess growing lots of litte follicles ready for egg collection is a very responsible job and with that comes an amount pressure, over-thinking and fear of what's coming. It's no wonder it's tiring!!!
x
Saturday 4 May 2013
Day 4 of stimming
I really feel like everything is happening now I'm on my stims injections and it's almost like I'm determined to grow the 17(ish) little follicles I have!
Each evening I prepare my suprecur and gonal f doses and inject them into my tummy in turn. It's been ok so far although I must admit the area that I've been injecting into is starting to feel a little tender so I'll have to start being more adventurous!
By my estimations (based on my treatment before I had Posey and what the clinic nurses say) I'll be stimming for about another 12 days or so and then preparing for egg collection.
I'm looking forward to my next scan (this Tuesday) so I can see how my little follicles are growing. I hope they're doing well!
How do I feel? Ok actually. I've had the odd hot flush. The afternoon when I was getting Posey ready after her swimming lesson I had a big hot flush in the changing room, which was already hot, so that wasn't ideal! I get tired pretty early, but then that could just be from chasing an active toddler around. Apart from that I kind of feel normal. Which s good!
It's a bank holiday weekend this weekend so Buzz, Posey and I have lots of family time planned, perfect to keep me going up until my Tuesday scan :)
x
Each evening I prepare my suprecur and gonal f doses and inject them into my tummy in turn. It's been ok so far although I must admit the area that I've been injecting into is starting to feel a little tender so I'll have to start being more adventurous!
By my estimations (based on my treatment before I had Posey and what the clinic nurses say) I'll be stimming for about another 12 days or so and then preparing for egg collection.
I'm looking forward to my next scan (this Tuesday) so I can see how my little follicles are growing. I hope they're doing well!
How do I feel? Ok actually. I've had the odd hot flush. The afternoon when I was getting Posey ready after her swimming lesson I had a big hot flush in the changing room, which was already hot, so that wasn't ideal! I get tired pretty early, but then that could just be from chasing an active toddler around. Apart from that I kind of feel normal. Which s good!
It's a bank holiday weekend this weekend so Buzz, Posey and I have lots of family time planned, perfect to keep me going up until my Tuesday scan :)
x
Thursday 2 May 2013
Starting to inject the stims before my IVF treatment
Last night was day 1! Without getting way way ahead of myself I worked out that if I conceive with this round of treatment I will have a due date of February 5 2014! (Or perhaps closer to Xmas 2013 if Posey's little brother or sister had the same agenda as her...)
How was my first injection last night?
It was ok. It hurt more than the down reg ones but that's perhaps because on this phase of treatment there are 2 injections rather than just 1 every evening. It wasn't extremely painful, just uncomfortable. I have reduced my down reg dose of suprecur (burserelin) from 0.5to 0.2 and I'm taking a dose of 150 gonal f as my stims. The gonal f comes from an injection pen, which has recently been upgraded and is far easier to use than the old pen!
So for the next few days I need to be injecting my doses of suprecur and gonal f every evening. The gonal f will stimulate the follicles on both sides of my ovaries to grow grow grow!!
What's next?
I'm booked back in at the clinic next Tuesday morning for another scan to see how my little follies are growing, how the lining of my uterus is thickening up and for the nurses to assess my doses in case they need to be increased or decreased.
How do I feel?
Quite emotional / hormonal.
I have had 3 hot flushes so far today (it's only 10am..) and 2 other hot flushes woke me up in the night.
I also feel like I need a wee all the time. Not ideal!
Talking about non-IVF matters, today is a gorgeous day so Posey and I will be going to her dancing class and then to the park. Lovely :)
x
How was my first injection last night?
It was ok. It hurt more than the down reg ones but that's perhaps because on this phase of treatment there are 2 injections rather than just 1 every evening. It wasn't extremely painful, just uncomfortable. I have reduced my down reg dose of suprecur (burserelin) from 0.5to 0.2 and I'm taking a dose of 150 gonal f as my stims. The gonal f comes from an injection pen, which has recently been upgraded and is far easier to use than the old pen!
So for the next few days I need to be injecting my doses of suprecur and gonal f every evening. The gonal f will stimulate the follicles on both sides of my ovaries to grow grow grow!!
What's next?
I'm booked back in at the clinic next Tuesday morning for another scan to see how my little follies are growing, how the lining of my uterus is thickening up and for the nurses to assess my doses in case they need to be increased or decreased.
How do I feel?
Quite emotional / hormonal.
I have had 3 hot flushes so far today (it's only 10am..) and 2 other hot flushes woke me up in the night.
I also feel like I need a wee all the time. Not ideal!
Talking about non-IVF matters, today is a gorgeous day so Posey and I will be going to her dancing class and then to the park. Lovely :)
x
Wednesday 1 May 2013
My baseline scan
So after 2 weeks of down ragging yesterday was my baseline scan! It felt like a big day in the diary because if all was well, I'd be able to start my stims injections this week. It felt like we'd hopefully move onto the next phase of our IVF treatment.
Here's how the day went....
I woke up feeling very nervous but thankfully my appointment was at 9.30am so I didn't have long to wait. Buzz and I took Posey to nursery and off we went! Thankfully the clinic was running on time and I had my blood, scans and review all within an hour. The scan showed that I had 6-8 follicles in my left ovary and around 10 in my right - good numbers to start the stimming - hurray!! The lining of my uterus was also nice and thin and my bloods came back ok so the nurses are letting me start the stims today!!!!
Buzz and i felt very relieved when we left the clinic and happy that we could move on to the next stage of treatment. Buzz is going to help me with my first stims injection tonight. Of course I did it all last time when we conceived Posey but the injection pens have changed since then so 2 brains will be better than 1!
Buzz and I spent the rest of the day together, browsing the shops and having a nice lunch together before we picked up Posey from nursery. Then last night, I worked! Life goes on hey!
Roll on 7pm tonight x
Here's how the day went....
I woke up feeling very nervous but thankfully my appointment was at 9.30am so I didn't have long to wait. Buzz and I took Posey to nursery and off we went! Thankfully the clinic was running on time and I had my blood, scans and review all within an hour. The scan showed that I had 6-8 follicles in my left ovary and around 10 in my right - good numbers to start the stimming - hurray!! The lining of my uterus was also nice and thin and my bloods came back ok so the nurses are letting me start the stims today!!!!
Buzz and i felt very relieved when we left the clinic and happy that we could move on to the next stage of treatment. Buzz is going to help me with my first stims injection tonight. Of course I did it all last time when we conceived Posey but the injection pens have changed since then so 2 brains will be better than 1!
Buzz and I spent the rest of the day together, browsing the shops and having a nice lunch together before we picked up Posey from nursery. Then last night, I worked! Life goes on hey!
Roll on 7pm tonight x
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