About Coco (me!)

Hi there, I'm Coco and this is my first blog post.  I thought I should write a little bit about what I will be blogging about and tell you a bit about me.....

I'm gong to be blogging about my baby journey.  I am 35 years old, I own & run 2 successful businesses, I love family time and I have a lot of friends.  Some would say I have it all but there is one thing I don't seem to be able to do, something that most 'normal' people can do....and that is decide I want a baby, and just have one!  I know it is not simple for many of us btw....

I have been happily married to Buzz for almost 7 years.  I have severe polycystic ovaries however didn't know until we started trying for a baby, 14 months after we got married.  Years of taking The Pill masked it.  4 years later and after a long assisted-conception journey our dreams came true when our beautiful daughter, Posey arrived.

Now Buzz and I would like Posey to have a little brother or sister, so we are embarking on another journey.  One that we hope will be shorter.  We want to complete our family. Am I scared? Yep, I'm terrified!

Don't get me wrong,  I know how fortunate I am to have Posey and every day as she learns new things I feel immensely proud of her.  She is my angel and I love her to bits.  Buzz and I just want another Posey.  She'd make a great big sister and despite what we've been through, Buzz and I are solid.  We have a lot of love to give and our home & lifestyle is set up to grow our family.

So why am I so terrified?  3 reasons I guess:

1: IVF journeys are long.  The hormones mess with your head.  It's expensive.  It takes over your life.  It might not even work!!!!

2: Posey arrived at 35 weeks.  She was just ready to arrive!  She was ok but she needed special care for 10 days after she was born, including 5 days on the neonatal ward.  You know that time that you dream of? Holding your newborn and posing for family pics? I didn't get that.  I'd waited 4 years for that moment but Posey was whisked away into an incubator pretty quickly and I was left in the delivery suite being stitched back together and trying to express some colostrum.  Yep, it hurt.  It all hurt like hell.

3. After I returned to my old office job when Posey was 10 months, I hated it.  I was overworked, I missed Posey, and I had little sup port from my manager.  2 months later I'd been signed off with stress/depression (I couldn't tell the difference at that point...). I cried every day for hours.  Making a cup of tea or emptying the dishwasher tipped me over the edge.  I lost all confidence in my ability to do my job and be a mother.  It was the worst 3 weeks of my life until the anti-depressants kicked in
and I felt strong enough to talk to Buzz and some close friends about what I was going through.  Thankfully, 7 months later, I'm almost 'normal' again and yes, I did give up my job.  Nothing is worth feeling like that for.  Absolutely nothing! So, yes, Buzz and I are a bit skint now.....:(

Anyway, that's me.  Buzz and I have our IVF consultation today for Coco junior! Roll on 1pm.  I will write about how it went.  God I hope we can start soon!  Like tomorrow...x