My first down reg injection

So yesterday was a huge mixture of excitement as well as nervousness around starting my down regging....

Part of me felt like "hurray today is here!" Whereas another part of me felt like it was the start of a long, difficult journey and the side effects would be horrid.  One of my best friends said that at least if the side effects are horrid then I know it's working! Sound advice....:)

Buzz and I got Posey ready for bed and fast asleep and then shut ourselves in our en-suite to administer the pain!  I carefully unpacked my Supercur drugs, prepared the needle and then shot up! It went ok.  I felt ok.  And then I had half a pizza!

How do I feel today? Ok actually.  Posey is at nursery and I am working so my mind is occupied :)
Any side effects yet? Nope.  I feel like normal.  Long may this continue!

x

Going to the IVF clinic is emotional

I held tears back on the drive there, while I was there and on the drive back.  In fact I held tears back until an hour ago, when I finished working for the day.  Boy was it tough!

Why did I want to cry?
I think it's all just such an emotional thing to go through and having done it all before I'm scared of how the side effects like mood swings, tiredness and turning into a monster will affect me, especially with Posey around.  It's going to be tough I think.

The nurses, consultants and in fact, everyone at the clinic is lovely.  They smile, they ask how you are.  They make you feel comfortable.  I couldn't wish for more support from them. I'm fortunate.

So, deep breath! All I did was pick up some down reg drugs today.  I know things are going to get much tougher so I must find some inner strength...from somewhere....x

IVF Down reg drugs :-s

So, today is the day I pick up my down reg drugs.  It feels like I've waited an age but today is finally here - hurray! I literally can't wait to get my hands on them!

x

The sun is shining and my upcoming IVF treatment feels ok!

Well what a difference the sunshine can make to how you feel!

Today has felt like the first day of Spring and Buzz, Posey and I made the most of it by going to the park where there are lots of farm animals.  Posey loved the little lambs, ducks and pot belled pigs :). She enjoyed riding on the mini train and eating cookies in the cafe too.  We had a really nice day.

A big part of me feels like I'd be so sad if Posey didn't have a little brother or sister to share days like this with, but at the same time it's also nice that Buzz and I get to shower her with ALL of our attention.  I feel very fortunate x

Positive Mental Attitude!

A the start of this year one of my best friends bought me a book called "Start the Day with Katie" written by Katie Piper.  I think she is an amazing, inspirational girl and I have a huge amount of respect for her.  Each day there is a statement. An inspiring and thoughtful statement, which really makes me think.  I would totally recommend her book.  I've been reading ahead a little....

1. The day I pick up my first IVF drugs - "If you feel anger, acknowledge it, then learn to let it go.  The more it lingers, the greater it grows." I feel anger every day, anger that I have severe PCOS and can't just conceive a baby like 'that'.  I'm a good mum and can provide for a big family.  Life is unfair sometimes, but Katie is right.  Anger gets you nowhere!

2. The day I believe I will start my IVF stims injections - "Focus on the individual steps you need to take to achieve your goals, rather than worrying about the entire journey." WOW! I'm going to really remember this one :)

3. The day after the day I believe my Egg Collection will happen - "A positive attitude will open many doors."  Very true...

I can't think any further than that as it all depends on fertilisation and if/how many embryos we have. We got 1 out of 12 last time (but it was a good one = Posey!!) so I know not to count my chickens...

P M A !
x

Vivid dreams about being pregnant...

Perhaps I'm eating too much cheese! I'm having really vivid dreams about being pregnant!

I haven't even started my down reg drugs yet let alone my stims & my mind is already working overtime....

In my dream last night Posey was stroking my baby bump as I was lying on the sofa.  She was pointing at it and saying 'Babbeeeee'.  It was really sweet.  Wow, I hope that dream turns into reality.

x

Emotions that come with wanting a baby

While you're going though fertility treatment you can really educate yourself on the drugs you take, the fertility investigations you'll go through, the waiting, the procedures......

It's very easy to think you'll sail through it as long as you 'carry on as normal.'  I absolutely felt that way last time, before we conceived Posey, but this time I kinda know what's coming my way emotionally too, and I'm finding it hard to get my head around it in all honesty.

There are so many highs and lows that come with fertility treatment and I guess you have to hope it all ends with a high!  So far:

Setting the consultation date = high
Waiting for that date = low
Having our consultation = high
Realising it would be another 20 odd days until we start my down-reg drugs = low
Imagining having another baby = high
Imagining it not working = low

Way too many things to think about!!! Help me - advice please to keep my emotions under control?

x